There are mantras or sayings similar to this one that I created: “It is in giving that we get.” Interestingly, Buddha said something analogous: “When you wish good for others, good things come back to you. This is the law of nature.” Or as St. Francis said, “It is in giving that we receive.”

Nevertheless, sometimes, we miss the essential meaning of sayings. Often, we grasp the meaning of mantras when we see them spoken on a movie screen. They come alive in movies like The Bucket List. Watch Morgan Freeman sitting with Jack Nicholson as they look at the Great Pyramid of Giza. Freeman tells Nicholson what the deceased Egyptians face at heaven’s gate when they die.

For me, the issue isn’t whether some deity will ask me those two questions or not. However, when I kick the proverbial bucket and die, I know my two answers to the questions if I were questioned: “Have you found joy in your life?” And the following question, “Has your life brought joy to others?”

Obviously, I have answered both questions in the affirmative. My only caveat to the second question is that I wish that I could have helped my family in Myanmar financially more than I have. I know that I have brought joy to my family and extended family.

However, where have I gotten the money that has enabled me to wire transfer funds to my two families? I retired from teaching a month before I turned 80 years old. Teaching did help me with some of the money. Nevertheless, a major source was my home equity loan.

Essentially, I borrowed money from what I had paid on my first mortgage. However, after a handful of years borrowing from my home equity loan, there isn’t any more equity left to send overseas.

Nonetheless, there is a seeming oxymoron about joy. What is fascinating about those two Egyptian questions is that they are essentially the same question.

It can be seen in my mantra: “It is in giving that we get.” We can’t bifurcate giving and getting. The giver gets as much joy as the receiver. The more joy you get, the more joy you receive by giving. You can’t be a giver without at the same time getting joy. Giving and getting are inextricably related. As Buddha said, “This is the law of nature.”

When I used to send wire transfers to my family, I’d get emails from my children and parents of my three granddaughters asking about how they could repay me. I purposely didn’t reply because giving and getting aren’t only true when money is involved. I didn’t want to be viewed as a rich American giving money to people in a developing country. My children finally wanted a response. So, I wrote my response.

It was simple. I told them to tell me how much money I have sent them. Then I wanted to know how much I owe them for discovering my three granddaughters in Myanmar.

A year ago, Ti Ti, my oldest granddaughter, raised the same question that her parents had asked me, but the roles were reversed. She was the giver. This is a link to an essay about giving and getting.

I asked Ti Ti who was happier, the giver or the receiver. She replied, “It means a lot to know the gifts made you happy. As for who is happier, I’d say it’s a tie! Seeing you delighted makes my heart so full, and I couldn’t ask for more.” Ti Ti sent me three items, one of which she made. This is a link to my article about receiving the gifts.

Whatever dollar amount you give will help my family and extended family. I also provided you with the email addresses of adults in my family. Write to them. You will be a part of our larger family. They will thank you again and again. Then ask yourself who the giver and receiver are.