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Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
And there he kept her very well.
"Let me tell you, living in a pumpkin shell isn’t much fun. I know; I’ve lived in one for over eight years. My husband, Peter, is not a bad person, but I cannot stand being cooped up in that hollowed out shell of his. It’s getting to me. I need to escape somehow, but I don’t know where to turn. My friends, who used to come by but don’t anymore, would tell me to leave him. I’ve told them what I am telling you; I’d have nowhere to go if I left Peter. I am afraid to leave, but it hurts to stay in his pumpkin shell.
"My friends have
also tried to help me understand why Peter acts the way he does.
The best we can determine is that he is insecure about his
ability to keep me as his wife. Therefore, Peter’s
insecurity forces me into his shell—a pumpkin shell no less!
He locks me up to control me. I feel trapped by his so-called
love for me. When I try doing something about my life, Peter gets
suspicious. You can’t imagine how it feels to have these
orange walls closing in all around you. There is no escaping
Peter’s prison of protection. I’m in his shell for
life. I can’t grow or even go anyplace without him getting
upset. Why can’t he understand that my life is hell?
I’d rather be dead than alive inside that pumpkin
shell."
Is this simply a silly
story from a nursery rhyme or is it an all too real description
of life for many women? Would that this were limited to the pages
of Mother Goose. Unfortunately, this story is real life for
millions of American women. The only thing that changes is the
size, shape, and color of the pumpkin shell. Some pumpkin shells
are tenement flats and others are Main Line mansions. Whether
plain or opulent, it matters not to the prisoner. Many women live
lives not much removed from the experiences of Peter’s wife.
What can you do when
you find yourself married to a man like Peter? If you find
yourself cloistered inside a pumpkin shell of existence, there
are many things you must do now. Express your feelings about your
situation. Slavery isn’t in vogue nor is it constitutional
in America. You should not be expected nor required to live in
that type of servitude. If you have tried before and your pumpkin
eating captor hasn’t listened, find a friend who can help
you draw up plans to get you out of your shell of slavery. You
can get out—if you choose to do so.
Once you physically are
able to get out, get yourself into counseling. Group or
individual therapy is essential so that you don’t return to
your abuser or find a different abuser. There is an old
Scandinavian proverb that states when someone kicks you, it is
that person’s fault. But, if you get kicked again, you both
share the fault. That is tough talk coming from a male and one
who hasn’t been abused, but it is nonetheless true. You must
take the responsibility for your life and well-being. You must
cease being the victim. I’ve counseled hundreds of women who
have been abused emotionally, sexually, or physically. One time
is too many times. Do not ever tolerate it.
"He put her in a
pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well." Now, there
is a male-chauvinist statement. No one is ever kept very well in
an abusive situation. Don’t allow someone else to keep you.
You keep yourself. That’s your job and your job only.
One excuse some pumpkin
shell women give for remaining in an abusive relationship is that
they believe they won’t be able to find another person to
marry. My response to that is "great." Why do you want
to endure abuse for the benefit of having a husband? And, after
all, there are men out there who can care without controlling.
You need to exit the abusive situation and control your own life.
Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn’t keep her;
He put her in a pumpkin shell
Until she got fed-up and left
And she’s now doing very well.
Copyright© 1996-2007 Wolverton Mountain Enterprises. |
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