The Pill that Stopped My Meandering

In my previous article, I wrote about needing to know about everything that interests me. That single idiosyncrasy explains a great deal about who I am. I have been that way for decades.

Nonetheless, I have a mild case of sleep apnea. A couple of months ago, I was in my neurologist’s office complaining about my sleep issues. I explained some of my issues associated with sleep apnea and other related problems. This physician is excellent. He listened to my complaints and then asked several questions, which I addressed. Then he enquired about whether I had ever heard of Modafinil, which is the generic name for Provigil. Since I hadn’t, he listed the various and diverse therapeutic conditions that this drug is designed to treat. As he ran through the list, I perked up. All my issues about which I had concerns, Modafinil addresses. He gave me a prescription for 90-days.

I took Modafinil for a couple weeks and didn’t notice anything. However, then it dawned on me, I wasn’t tired all the time. That realization opened the proverbial floodgates. Modafinil had kicked in. I could focus more easily now and not jump around while dealing with various tasks. To say that I am engaged now with life and daily activities far more than I have ever been is blatantly obvious to me. I accomplish more in any activity whether in teaching, writing, or general housekeeping.

As I was writing in the book, A Music Lover’s Diary, given to me by a former colleague of mine from four decades ago, I happened to come across a quote by Logan Pearsall Smith. You are saying to yourself precisely what I said, who is he? Well, he was an American writer who was born in the mid-19th century and moved to England where he graduated from Oxford in 1891. He remained in England and soon became a British subject.

Logan Pearsall Smith

This is the quote that I discovered in A Music Lover’s Diary, which addressed the meaning of life for Smith. “The indefatigable pursuit of an unattainable perfection, even though it consists in nothing more than in the pounding of an old piano, is what alone gives a meaning to our life on this unavailing star.”

There isn’t anything about Smith’s life that stood out to me except this one liner. That statement is who I am today. I am pounding away on my computer keyboard. What I write or teach may or may not be of any intrinsic value to anyone else, but to me, it provides meaning to my life. Smith describes me precisely. Modafinil allows me to focus and stay focused on things in my life. It is an asset to being driven.

This photo is from article in The Journal of Pharmacology and Experimental Therapeutics, which shows the change in one’s brain after using Modafinil.

Modafinil Occupies Dopamine and Norepinephrine Transporters in Vivo and Modulates the Transporters and Trace Amine Activity in Vitro

Due to Modafinil, I accomplish a great deal in all the areas of my life. When I am unable to complete a task, I merely schedule it for the next day. While my various tasks take both time and effort, I know that I can accomplish my various endeavors. When the task is completed, I feel content. Regardless whether anyone else benefits from my writing and teaching, I do. I have meaning in life that I determine and feel content when it is accomplished. Modafinil allows me to understand and resolve various issues. That small, white pill stopped my meandering mind.

My meandering mind